Monday, November 17, 2014

I need to come to this place....

i  dont know what is wrong with me.

In the last three weeks I've had 5 med changes, innumerable mood changes that shift from elation to sad crying or angry crying to just plain angry. Then their is the horny state which caused me to lose my virginity to a girl in a bar bathroom on Halloween. Add to that a zoned out state where my brain has too many thoughts I look dazed and then musical theatre....oh yes, musical theatre is a mood and basically it is performing songs with full singing and dancing in public whether people want it or not. Oh, and dont forget those jazz hands. Hott.

And now....hopelessness and depression. out of the three times Ive gone to the hospital Friday was the first time it was because I was down. I had taken 7mg of clonazepam and a bottle of cough medicine....should have taken down a horse, but unfortunately I was fine.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to die. I just don't want to feel sometimes.

I really want to overdose tonight, just to not think....but I know it will just cause more problems than anything.

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