So I am feeling a bit better today about all the nonsense with the band.
I talked to the member of the band that isn`t my brother and he said he doesn`t agree with the stuff my brother said, which was a relief. He said he likes me as I am he just doesn`t think the way we write music is cohesive. He is also concerned that I might get sick again and put the band in a bad position. Understandable.
I have been thinking a bit more posivitively which is a shock to me. Usually news like this would send me into a depression...but I had a day were I cried on and off and now I feel ready to move on.
I have been thinking...there are many things that I have not pursued because I was waiting for the band to make something of itself. I have stayed in the same city, worked on music only for the band, not stuff that I do on my own. So now I am looking at it as an opportunity to explore some of my other interests.
I love the arts. I love drama, music, writing, crafts and art. I just haven`t been pursuing any of them because of the band. I think this might actually be what I need.
I am looking into taking an acting class in the fall. I also am thinking about really getting on writing a book about my experience with mental illness. I want to take guitar and voice lessons and see if I can do the music thing as a solo artist. That scares me but at the same time it makes me feel a littl empowered. I think I would find other people to work with, but it would be my band. I would steer the direction and write the music.
I am still hoping that we can take a break from one another and possibly get back together...but I am not putting all my stock into it...
Basically I want to work on myself like I have to only rely on myself. Not owkr on myself in anticiaption to be let back into the band.
We are both taking a risk in taking a break. I am risking that they will find someone else and I won`t be able to be back in the band. They are risking that in a couple months I no longer want to be with them. The latter scenario is what I am hoping for.
So maybe this isn`t as bad as I had originally saw it.
