My new goal: BALLET!

I was writing a msg to a friend about my exercise goals this summer and somehow I got talking about the ballet class I was going to take. I suddenly came to the realization that:
 LIFE PUTS SO MANY LIMITS ON YOU ALREADY, WHY PUT LIMITS ON YOURSELF?
My entire life I have doubtly my intelligence and my beauty, my ability to perform...no longer. In highschool I would never try out for a solo in plays or in choir because I, ME only ME, thought I wasn't good enough. Today I have had many solos and play solo with my guitar and sing at bars all the time and get tons of applause. I never fathomed that I would be in a band, let alone be the lead singer...and now it's like "been there, done that". So many things that I thought I couldn't do and only I was standing in my way, no one else. I am so sick and tired of standing in the way of my own dreams.

So NO MORE! I finally decided, this summer I am going to take ballet lessons through my university. I always said, I don't have the right body type, I'll be the fat one in the class, they'll stare at me cause I'm not perfect, I'll be the oldest one there. Well you know what, who the fuck cares. I'm not letting those things stop me anymore. And this is just the beginning. I have decided I want to pursue ballet year round and eventually get good enough to get into pointe shoes! It may take 10years but I really want this so I am going to work for it.

I've been looking up dance studios and I've found one I really like that is all ages friendly and that doesn't compete because they want to focus on being good dancers first. I liek thier philosophy and I think I will be comfortable there. In order to prepare for registration and to start in September, my three summer goals are:

1. save money
2. make healthy exercise and diet my job (increase strength, endurance, flexibility, and decrease weight)
3. register on time

I feel very motivated and excited. Now for the hard work.

"Lovin' that dancer body" Thinspo

New **ORANGE** Spring Jacket!!! With Pic!

Yay I got a new orange spring jacket from Winners yesterday and I thought I would post a picture to show you what it looks like. I LOVE IT! p.s. yes the pic is the bathroom lol

Weight in this pic: 206.8lbs

I think your crazy, maybe...

So there are a lot of gaps I should probably fill in...but I don't really feel like it at this moment. Maybe in the next little while.

So it's that time of year again. Time to get the shorts and summer skirts and dresses out and I am once again panicking. I had a total freak out last night to my roommate and basically ended up saying "I know I have to eat, but I DON"T WANT TO!!" *sobbing* She replied, "Well then it's really not about the food at all then, right?" and she's so right. I really saw the connection to my body and it's limits and control last night.

I have been feeling really bad about myself for a while now, probably since mid-March. Before that I was trying to embrace my curves and be a positive role model for the girls I am in show choir with. Now show choir is over for the term and I have completely lost that drive to be a role model and I just feel aweful. I feel hopeless.

So I Am Not Dead; Here's Some Thinspo