Dating just isn't my thing...

This evening I went on a "date" with this guy that I met on the bus back in November.

When I met him, he was the chatty one, asking me "what I did for fun around here" and "how can we keep in touch". SO I went with the flow and added him on Facebook. We corresponded minimally over Facebook until Christmas when he asked if he could have my number so he could call me. We talked very briefly on the phone and that was that until last weekend.

On Sunday night he left me this message saying that he hadn't talked me to in a while and now he is "depressed" and that I shoudl give him a call to "bolster his ego". I have to admit, I thought it was a little cheeky and I was intrigued. So I called him back a couple days later and we chatted and I asked him if he wanted to go for coffee this weekend, which we had talked about doing in a vague way over the holiday, and he said sure.

So today comes along and I meet him at Starbucks. We both paid for our own drinks; after what happens I am so glad I didn't offer to pay. We are chatting, talking about school and music and philosophical ideals and then casually, after about a half an hour he drops that "his girlfriend and him talk about that a lot". I was stunned but played it off cool. After we were done talking about that subject I said, "can I ask you a question? What does your girlfriend think of you going on coffee outings with random girls?". His response was something like she isn't very possessive and that they have been together FOR A WHILE and trust eachother.

From that point on I was just like "get me out of here". My heart sank a bit, because I rarely go on "dates" and I did my makeup and dressed up a bit and was having a really good hair day. I felt really embarrassed and like a fool for thinking it was a date, but I didn't let him know this. Luckily, I was going to the movies for a girls night at 6 so I had an excuse to get out of there fairly quickly.

The thing that bothers me the most...I would have never asked him if he wanted to go for coffee if I knew he had a girlfriend. I assumed he didn't have a girlfriend because on Facebook his relationship status says "single". I don't even have my relationship status showing, and if you are in a relationship and don't want to publicize it on Facebook, I would just set my status to not showing.

Well although I am a little embarrassed, on the bright side, even if he was single I wouldn't have been interested. One of the sexiest and most attractive things to me is intelligence and frankly, he just wasn't smart enough for me. I was talking circles around him and he just wasn't keeping up. Also, he made some douchey remarks about how he and his girlfriend have fake dating site profiles and like to lead people on for a joke. Definitely not cool.

Well, in the end I sent him a Facebook message, short and sweet saying:

I had a nice time today but I left feeling a bit confused. I was shocked to find out that you had a girlfriend, cause to be honest I would have never asked you to coffee if I knew you had one. You might want to think of changing your Facebook relationship status to stop this assumption from happening to others in the future.
Cheers.

Pretty formal, but I didn't want to come off emotional or crazy and I really felt like I needed to be forward and honest about how I felt, especially since I made it a point to bring up the fact that I am a very honest person before he dropped the bomb.

Anyway, I had a date last week with a guy I have been seeing off and on for two years and that was fun and definitely up to my standards. Unfortunately he lives out of town...well I guess not unfortunately cause I am really not looking for a relationship right now anyway.

But alas...dating just isn't my thing...

Something's gotta change....

So this month has flown by. I have been super busy with school and appointments I haven't been taking much time to focus on my goals.

I had big plans for this month but they were foiled by outside influences and myself.

Firstly, I haven't been able to exercise because I have been having knee pain and my doctor diagnosed me with Patellofemoral Syndrome and now I am doing physiotherapy once a week. Boo.
Also, I have been prescribe massage therapy to help with this intense headaches I've been getting almost everyday. It has already cut down how many I have been getting so I am pretty happy about that. But alas, another appointment to go to every week.
I also got orthotics because apparently my feet "move around too much". lol

Secondly, I take full responsibility for my failure in the diet department. I started out great. I was abstinent from the list of foods I devised that are off limits, and I only had a couple small binges. After that it's been sporadic. Some days I am abstinent and binge-free, some days one of them, some days none of them. This past week I have been eating chocolate like it's my job. As much chocolate as I can get my hands on! It's sickening...yesterday I was having full on conversations with my stomach because it was talking for about 4 hours from all the crap I ate that day.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
Time to reevaluate and recommit. Tomorrow, yes tomorrow I WILL succeed. I WILL eat only what I have said I am going to eat in my food journal on caloriecount.com. I WILL NOT break my abstinence and WILL remain binge-free. I CAN do this. I WILL do this.
....The only problem is I said I was going to get back on track yesterday, and then when that failed, I said I am going to get back on track today...so my hope is dwindling....BUT I am desperate...I have to do something. I have only lost 2lbs in the last 4 weeks...and after the last four days I am sure that has change to gained 2 lbs...ugh.

I think what set me off is I had a really good week the first week and I only lost 2lbs. I am not used to losing so little in a week. My old ways of severe calorie restriction and excessive exercising would have seen at least 5 or 6 lbs...I was so disappointed I gave up a little. I felt like it wasn't worth it. In reality, if I would have stuck to 2lbs a week I would have been down 6 lbs by now instead of 2... It is a change I am going to have to get used to. The old ways are calling to me, but I haven't yet given up on trying to have a healthy mind and body. This is how I feel today...

Great Thinspo Blog

I stumbled upon this blog while looking for thinspo (thin + inspiration) and I am hooked on it!

http://picsandmodels.blogspot.com/

Oh the left hand side there is a box that you can scroll through hundreds of models in alphabetical order. I have spent at least 5 hours going through the different models in order and I am only at "H" names.

Hope you find these pics inspiring.

Butt Thinspo

I have wanted to post Butt thinspo for a while. I decided this year that my main focus is going to be on my lower body, particularily my ass. I want a big, round, firm booty i.e. Marisa Miller's booty (the first picture). Hope this inspires you to get lunging and squatting!

First post of 2010..let's make it good!

Happy New Year!

I love New Year's! People are all a twitter with new goals and aspirations, the gym is full of new eager exercisers, and the motivation is contagious. Many will falter by February, but I won't...I will be on that elliptical - proud - I have lasted beyond the average. Fuck ya. There's one goal for 2010. I have MANY, many...many.

Usually I am with those that falter but this year I have done things very differently. I have set myself up so that the earth would have to crash down around me in order for me to fail.

To stick to exercise: I have two exercise buddies that are committed to the gym too. I also have a calender that is posted on the wall in front of my computer and every day that I exercise I write down what I did and I get a star :)...I have done this before and it is soo motivating to look up and see an entire month full of stars when the month is up. You feel very accomplished and you have the results to show for it!

To stick to diet/lifestyle change: I am planning my meals the day ahead every night. I am also counting calories by putting them into this awesome website I found - www.caloriecount.com - it does all the work for you, you just have to find the foods. Plus there are great forums and articles to keep you motivated. Also I am going to blog everyday/week my calorie intake, my exercise, how many days I've been abstinent and binge free. I feel this will help me stay accountable. I have also started going to Overeaters Anonymous meetings and I feel very supported through the people I have met.

Sticking to my goals overall: Every month I am going to sit down and reevaluate what my goals are, how they have been going, if there needs to be any adjusting (could do more, need to do less) and if I want to change them. I have also set up rewards for when I reach my goals (that don't involve food rewards). I am also doing my body measurements once a month to notice achievements that can't be seen in pounds on the scale. I have set up overall goals, concrete plans and long-term goals so that I stay motivated. I have gone on a thinspo hunt and have found tons of new pictures that make me want to start running and never stop.

This year I will ace my courses, get the banging body that I have always wanted, and be more productive than ever! I welcome you 2010 with open arms...Be good to me!