First 2011 post - THINSPO!

My Halloween costume and makeup! With Pics!

So today I just did a makeup and cotume run through before Halloween. I have three makeup looks to do on Halloween day so I am trying them all out before hand to make sure things run smoothly.

I am going as Mother Nature! I bought the dress at a thrift store (value village heck ya!), all the stuff on the dress is from the dollar store and I just used a hot glue gun to glue them on. The head piece is made out of molding metal, which can be found at craft stores or in my case, the dollar store. I just used a hot glue gun to glue on the moss, and then the two side panels are material so that it would bend to my face. Then I just used a piece of twine to tie the hat on, no need for bobby pins of clips to secure it. Let me know what you think! I am soo excited!

I got the ideas for the makeup by looking up tutorials online. My favourite is Petrilude. Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmHLtB69bcc&feature=channel

Before the gold leaf with my own eyebrows:


WIth the gold leaf:


The Dress:

In limbo....so confused...

I have been struggling so much lately.

Back in August to mid way through September I was living it up. I felt great. Life was great! I moved into a new house for the year. All new roommates who are awesome!New school year with classes that I love. It was great beginnings.

Half way through September I ended up having a hypomanic episode where I didn't sleep for three days straight the one week adn then I didn't sleep for 5 days the following week. I couldn't go to class because I was a mess and I was exercising 4 hours a day to burn off the extra energy. This was the beginning of the derailment. During these two weeks my obsessive thoughts came back full force. I was obsessing about everything especially my appearance and food.

The following week I was sick and again missed class. Most things went back to normal except for the obsessive thoughts. They are as bas as they've ever been.

So I am obsessing about weight and eating like a maniac. I will binge for a day then not eat for two days, then eat a normal 1200cals one day and then binge for two days. I've gone back to purging...and it's been getting way worse than ever. I purge almost everyday, sometimes twice. I feel out of control.

And to add to it, I can't seem to lose weight. In the summer I ate 1200cals a day, and exercised 6days a week for 1-2hrs and only lost 3lbs in 8 weeks. I've been to my doctor, my counsellor, my psychiatrist and now a dietician and they all say I am doing everything right. Great. So basically the only explaination there is is medications causing weight gain and my polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). I am already on medications for the PCOS so there is nothing more they can do.

My dietician is trying to get me to look at food like it is for nurishment and something to enjoy. So I have tried that this week and I am finding that its just causing a lot of cravings. I see her again on Monday so we'll see what she says.

But I feel so conflicted. In one ear I hear "be healthy! Nurish your body! Fuel your workouts! Forget weight loss! Be happy!" then in the other ear I hear "don't eat and purge what you do. Don't miss a day at the gym! Lose weight! Be Happy!".

I am so confused. I have a heaviness in my chest, a tension that just won't go away until I figure this out. I feel like if I could just lose weight I would feel soo much better. I KNOW I would feel better. I want this. I need this. I feel so desperate.....

Song of the day: Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Thinspo for a new life...

Thinspo for August!

August is a hot month here in Canada, so I thought I would put up some thinspo that is in line with the weather. Fuck, I would KILL to look like these women...maybe for next August...

Thinspo: May 20th 2010

Some thinspo for my 24th bday that is today!!!! Gonna be dancin' it up salsa style tonite! Good times :)

One week count down!

SO I've got a new diet plan and exercise routine. It's much different than I was doing for the last few weeks. I have been working out really hard and doing this strength training class three days a week on top of cardio. I haven't been noticing much difference in terms of strength and I think it's because I get so little protein in my diet.

I have just under two months to drop 20lbs and gain strong muscular thighs (in order to get rid of the cellulite I have accumulated). SO I need to increase my exercise and protein and keep my calories fairly low. This is what I've come up with:

Diet:
Pre-workout breakfast - half/whole orange
Post-workout Breakfast - Protein powder and milk/water
Lunch - protein powder, milk and half a banana (259 cals)
Dinner - protein powder, milk, half of banana (259cals)
Snack - any veggies, as much as I want
Totals: ~900cals

Exercise (the plan until I have a job):
Strength training class 3X wk (MWF)
Dance Aerobics class 4X wk (MTTHSAT)
Kick-boxing class 2X wk (WF)
Different Dance Aerobics (optional) on Sunday.

I am hoping this new plan will help me reach my goals. Also, lately I have been LOVING the gym. I can't get enough. I want to be there all the time! This is a little scary because I used to be obsessed with exercise to the point I would exercise upwards of 4 hrs a day in highschool. I don't think it's out of control at this point...but if I get injured I don't know if I would stop...apparently that's a sign that there is a problem. Well fingers crossed I don't get injured.

The one week countdown is for my birthday! I turn 24 on May 20th...I am still in the processing of planning what we are going to do, but I think it might be a wild nite out cause I haven't had one of those in a while. A looong while. Just need to find something to wear and decide on something for my hair and makeup. I like to go all out, and I wasn't able to celebrate last year so I am going to make up for it this year. Hells yes!