ugh.....

I have offically completed the first week back to school.

SO far:
Missed 2.5 classes out of 4.
Lived through 15 hrs of auditions for my singing group
Deliberated for endless hours about auditionees
Survived one crazy bachelorette/halloween party (might post pics later)
Travelled 6.5 hours on a train, non-consecutively
Spent waaaaay too much in multiple cab fares
Broke a phone
Got a new phone....100 dollars later
Binge and purged for the first time in a very long time.
Binged. binged. binged....
Got called "obese" and "overweight" 4 times by the same doctor
Cried twice on a bus ride home
Hit a record high in weight: 218lbs

I think I might do a recap after most of my weeks....it will keep me on track.

This week...need to make it to all 4 classes, have first rehearsal, keep in touch, attend appointments, etc etc....

Coming Clean

So I haven't updated weight on the side of my page for a loooong time.

So my weight ballooned to 216lbs over 5 months because I had hypothyroidism that was undiagnosed. Apparently it was caused by my med Lithium I was taking. One of it's common side effects is hypothyroidism. So finally in January/Feb I was diagnosed and put on thyroid meds. Then my thyroid corrected and now I can lose weight again.

I am currently 209lbs.Not great, by any means, but it is going in the right direction finally. During those 5 months I would gain about 2lbs a week! And that was while I was exercising and eating right.

I have been going to an ED outpatient program since February so I have been trying to just eat normal and not worry about losing weight, but lately that's been really hard.

I back to trying to find diets to follow and trying to lose as much weight as possiblein the shortest amount of time. There is this red dress I bought online that is a little too tight right now butI want to wear it on my birthday in may. Thisis the dress but mine is red. It's sexy and hawt!

ugh, parents.

So on Monday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and my parents, kind of a last appointment for my parents to see him and ask questions before I getmy new psych next month.

Things were fine. Like usual my dad talked to much and barely listened.

Everything was normal until my dad started to talk about my weight. THe jist:

"Lauren's always had a weight problem. She eats when she's happy. She eats when she's sad. She doesn't make the right choices and she needs to learn how to eat right...etc."

I was soo upset I couldn't get a word out to defend myself. My mom did speak up however and said that I was attending groups to help my eating.

OOOOOOOO I am so angry! He has no idea what I eat, how I eat, how I feel, and how what he says affects me. I've never talked to my parents about purging, restricting or over-exercising so I guess I can't really expect them to get it. But still....I feel ashamed and horrible embarrassed that my dad talked about me that way to my psychiatrist in front of my mom and me too.

I don't want to eat anymore. I just want to starve until I am thin. And then he can shut up.