Every once and a while I get hit with a memory from the last few years...the disaster that has been my life. It always stops me in my tracks and suddenly I am off in space, re-living each breath.
Today for some reason I was thinking about when I was in the hospital last month. The psychiatrist I saw in the ER I had seen a year ago in July when I had been sent, against my will, by my doctor for suicidal behaviours. That's where my mind went, back to that crazy day. That psychiatrist and I had it out, he was so combative, but then again I guess I was too. We debated existential ideas and he challenged my apathetic view of life. I remember feeling like the wind got knocked out of me. In the end, he let me go that day, to my doctor's, friends and counsellor's dismay.
When I saw him in October he was like, I have seen you before, I let you go. Sarcastically I replied, "And, I'm still alive...yaay" and he laughed. He was much nicer this time around...very different reasons I was there I guess, but I actually kinda liked him. He's a child and adolescent psychiatrist and he works with my psychiatrist at the hospital, who is also a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
Now I need to pull myself out of these thoughts and actually do something productive with my life. I have two midterms this week which I haven't started studying for so I do not have time to wander around in the past. Unfortunately these memories don't always like to listen...so I will probably be struggling to control them the rest of the day. C'est la vie...
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